Be Positive

The most important first step while preparing your move is to approach the idea with positivity. I know this seems obvious, but I can tell you from personal experience that if you approach the move already deciding that it’s going to be difficult, the kids are going to miss their friends, etc., the move will take on this exact mood, and you will find yourself going into a dark hole. Instead of worrying about everything that will be different and all of the things you are going to miss, it is important to focus on everything that this new place will offer you and your family.  I had a friend once who almost saw the move abroad as a huge inconvenience. Her husband had a great opportunity with work and she had 4 kids. Great family but she really didn’t want to be away from home. She had big boxes of junk food delivered from the US on a regular basis. I couldn’t believe it. To this day, my kids will not eat real maple syrup because they were so influenced by the excitement over Mrs. Butterworth’s. HA, HA, HA. Just nuts!

Don’t do this! Make it an adventure! Make it fun! You’ll enjoy the preparation, and the discovery of what’s coming and your children will enjoy the process with you. A good start is to research all of the things that you’ll be able to do in your new home. What activities are there? What is the area known for? What do the locals like to do on their time off? If you were on vacation there, what would you want to see? I have lived in many different places and each one has had an abundance of activities to discover. 

Another moment that changed my view was when I was newly in Paris. I needed to go to the doctor, so I found a doctor who spoke English. As I was sitting in the waiting room, an American family came in with their kids. They were young, like me, and we struck up a conversation. These guys told me that they were expats and in Paris for just a couple of years. They were traveling all over Europe during their time there and were really lucky to live in a house in one of Paris’ nicest arrondissements (neighborhoods). They were lucky to be sent over by a company. Meanwhile, I was trying to find my way, married to a local and getting by in a tiny apartment that I loved but was not luxurious.

This woman then started to commiserate a bit with me, and she began to complain about the fact that Paris didn’t have any malls. I think my jaw dropped to the floor. Here was this gal, in Paris, with everything she needed at her fingertips, and she couldn’t believe that there wasn’t a mall! I was dumbstruck. She was not happy in Paris, and she really longed to get back home. I wanted to ask her (but I kept it to myself) if she’d noticed all of the wonderful shopping, museums, monuments and everything else that is great about Paris. She just sat there and complained about everything that was difficult about living in France. It was the first time, but certainly not the last, that I would come across this kind of attitude.

Some people go abroad expecting that the country that they’ve landed in should somehow be a different version of what they knew at home. As if the neighborhoods and malls would be the same as home, everyone would speak English but if you felt adventurous and took the right road, you’d find all of the wonders of your host country. If only we could go to the Eiffel Tower after picking up some doughnuts along the way.

I remember walking home from that appointment and I promised myself to never be like that. We are always going to miss home but sometimes in doing so, we aren’t seeing everything that is in front of us. After 30 years I have learned to live without just about everything I thought I desperately needed in the beginning. Who knew you could make brownies from scratch? In the beginning, I didn’t.

Try to adapt. You’ll enjoy your time a lot more.