Identity

Identity

What is our identity? There is so much talk at the moment about this subject. Whether it be racist, cultural appropriation, etc., it feels as though everyone has gone mad and completely intolerant with anyone who identifies with a culture that is supposedly not their own.

How does it become our own? In some cases, it is undeniable. We are born into a family where everyone’s from the same culture. This is more typical, but there are many of us out there that are not in this boat.

We, as Americans, come from all different cultures and backgrounds. As the generations go forward, a lot of us still identify with the roots of our ancestors. This seems to be causing a lot of angst from some people who are actually born and raised in these “old world” countries. I see so much on Tiktok (especially) with Irish and Italian citizens arguing with Americans about their descent and whether they are Irish or Italian. How can someone from Ireland or Italy know that these people were raised by parents and grandparents that completely identify with these countries? Some of them were even born there. No one is suggesting that we, Americans are the same as the people from the actual country, but the truth is that we are still connected. Often by food, language, and general behavior. As the distance grows, the language weakens and becomes almost a dialect of its own (which we definitely see in Italian America). Some of the food changes and even Nonna’s old recipes get adapted over time. Just like in the countries where they were born.

With all of this said, there is a war going on to prove who is more from the country than the other. Why this is so upsetting to people, I don’t understand. There seems to be a particular hatred towards Americans who are hanging on to their roots and declaring themselves to be from the country of origin. I suppose the citizens of that country don’t realize that this is all done out of pride. Americans are very proud of their roots. They do everything to continue the traditions of the generations before them. Today is Saint Patricks’ Day. My Dad always sends me a note on this day. Why? He grew up with an Irish mother. There were big parties in his family every year on this day. Not to mention, all over New York (which is where he was from ). I grew up in Boston; on St. Patrick’s day, I felt Irish, too. Doesn’t everybody? Both of my parents have deep-seated roots in this culture, and they passed it on to us. We are proud of it. Do we think we’re Irish? No. We know that we are American, but like all Americans, we have a past. We have stories of where our ancestors grew up and why they decided to come to America. It is who we are, and it is interesting for us. Even my own kids, who grew up in Europe, find it annoying when an American says that they are Irish or Italian. It is difficult to explain, but I guess it is hard to understand without growing up in the United States. What is clear when you are from the U.S. is that everyone has their own culture at home. You know the difference between a Greek home, an Italian home, an Irish home, etc. There are differences, and it is quite obvious to us, as Americans. It is what makes us who we are, and it is why we love and accept all cultures. This is how I feel anyway.

Along with this issue, we then have the kids (like mine) who grew up with parents from 2 different cultures and lived in many different countries. Who do they identify with? It isn’t easy, let me tell you. One question that my kids always have dreaded is “Where are you from”?. If they said American, people would ask, “where in America”. They would always say Boston, but that’s because that is where I am from. We finally came up with the best answer, which is “My mother is American, and my Dad is French, but we grew up in Europe”. That also leads to many questions, but at least from there, the kids can answer from their own experience. I have 3 children. Depending on how old they were when we lived in different countries has defined a bit of who they are. My oldest, for example, lives in Amsterdam. She speaks Dutch, and she even looks dutch. She is tall and blonde. Is she Dutch? No. However, she feels at home there. She lived there the longest as a child and found a job there, after her University in Paris. She is very adaptable and fits in just about everywhere she goes.

My second child lives in Los Angeles. She always loved the United States. She used to tell me when she was younger that she was going to move there one day. She did. She speaks French and some Dutch but identifies best with the American culture. It’s confusing because in the U.S., she feels different too.

My youngest daughter is the only one who doesn’t speak French, although she’s trying, and lives in France! She has spoken English her whole life, gone to English-speaking schools but has never lived in a country where the native language is English. How does she identify? It is very confusing. It has also caused problems with her communication skills. She tends to hang out with only English-speaking kids and is closed off to the world around her. I know that this will change, but I do hope that she will find herself in a country one day where she feels that she can integrate and is able to communicate with the locals. Having once been fluent in Italian and trying her best to conquer the French language, I hope that she will one day wake up and speak them all like a native.

My kids would be described as 3rd culture kids. This was a term founded in the 70’s by a woman who studied children just like mine. Suddenly, a new wave of families were moving overseas and moving every few years or so. At one time, this was reserved for military families. At some point, international companies began sending their employees around the world to exchange cultures within the business forum. It was great for businesses, and it was an opportunity for the families, as well.

With all of the confusion these days about cultural appropriation. I, personally, find that it is not always as clear as it seems. I know that, in my family we all identify separately with many different cultures. Each of us is more comfortable in some than others. This is within our own family. Where we originate from is a whole other story. How can you tell someone that they are not from a country when they grew up in a home full of traditions from that culture and probably had grandparents and cousins from that country of origin? Also, how can you tell someone that they have no right to attach themselves to a country/culture that perhaps they were raised in for a period of time during their childhood? It’s just not that simple for everyone.

It is difficult for the natives to understand, but this is our culture. Being from somewhere else. We are all Americans, but we wouldn’t be us without telling our stories of where we originated from—a concept which is clearly too difficult to grasp for some.